Acceptance

Milton Erickson talked about the uniqueness of individual.
As therapists we may talk about the skills, resources and the strategies required in addressing issues and concerns that people bring. In the solutions orientated model we talk about what current, future or past strengths and resources are available to the person, what does this person bring or have the potential to bring to this process.
I know this is only one way of working with people but it is the way that I find most useful.

There are times when I recognize the human tendency to believe in the need to conform to others point of view, or way of being.

I do not know if as a teenager you suffered the need to conform or not, or if you just did that. I remember as a teenager that thinking and dressing the same, acting the same and doing the same things as others sucked, except for when it didn’t, as it was nice to feel like you belonged. I found that the shaky group dynamics stuff was a difficult path to walk. For me I remember that finding the balance between knowing what groups I did not want to be a part of and being accepted from the groups that I did want to be apart of was the first stage of getting some balance. Then it was about working out what fits with me and who I am, and allowing the growth of my true self identity to allow me to understand group, friendships and belonging and how I fit in. I feel this was integral to the commencement of my maturity and over all happiness. I don’t not know how many of you remember the teenage years, or if that was an important part of your learning?

Recently I had a client, who wanted to be normal.....They could not see the resources they have in themselves to be who they already are. What do I mean by this? I am constantly surprised that people believe that they have to be a certain way. Imagine if everyone in the world got up at the same time, did the same work, and thought the same thoughts, so much for progress and balance!! Great leaders, great ideas and progress are made from difference not sameness. It is important to me as a human, not just a therapist to believe that we are able to be accepting of ourselves. Accepting who you are, just as you are is important. Bill O'Hanlon in his ebook the science of happiness talks about being grateful. If you are suffering this might feel like a tall ask. I think if you dig and read the article fully that this is talking about being accepting of your circumstance your strengths, your resources. He is not saying be happy with the status quo, just be grateful for what you have in that moment.

Some days I tell people when they ask how I am that I still breathe and I hear that is a good thing!!!! On bad days when I am low, I know that this is all I have in that moment to be grateful for, this is my starting point, as I say this, I find that I uncover all of the other resources available to me in that moment, I move, I speak, I have my faculties, I have people that care enough to ask….. Asking people to accept that they are at this very moment, exactly as they should be and that tomorrow they may be different but it will be exactly what they are meant to be in that moment, may be difficult. As sometimes we are so stuck in what we are not, that we cannot appreciate what we are. Embrace your differences.

Rob McNeilly often closes a teaching seminar with a profound, light but deep statement. One of my favorites is "Do Good Work". It does not matter if you are an artist, a housekeeper, a therapist, a astronaut, a road worker, a banker, unemployed or whatever or whoever you are 'Do Good Work'.
Good Work is Good Work no matter where it is. A good person is a good person no matter what they look like, what they dress like, where they live. A hard working person is a hard working person no matter how much money they earn. Somebody with a sense of humour is still funny even if a different audience hears their humour. Somebody who is poor is just as deserving in life as somebody who is rich. Don’t get me wrong normality is not a bad aim, and for some it is the only aim. However it is the unique differences that inspire and progress us. These are the things we should treasure, accept and celebrate. What makes you uniquely different? What can you accept and be grateful for about you? How can you embrace this moment, this time and all that you have available to you?